Quote of the 'Week'

"Men will always be mad, and those who think they can cure them are the maddest of all."
Voltaire
Discovering that someone has commented on one of my blogs is such a joyous feeling. Hint, bloody hint!

Sunday 28 June 2009

Sunday 21 June 2009

Riddle me this, blog-gogglers.

What is the point of motorsports?

They are such pathetic excuses for sports, it's dazzling. Basically, what it boils down to is the reflexes and skill of the driver. But so does any other sport. So why splash inordinate amounts of cash on these expensive cars and make a sport of it?

Some of you (the bloody race-car buffs) will be reading this, thinking: 'Ah, but there is more to the sport. There are the crashes, the variations of the different vehicles, the potentially dangerous weather." Well, I tell these people to fuck off.

Every sport I can think of (except indoor sports, but there aren't many of those) involve the potential for a dangerous game brought about by the weather.

Football...

Golf...

and even croquet...

...so that's that argument for motorsports thrown out the window. And it's the same for the crashes argument. People get injured in every other sport from time to time (see above), and although it may be more of a spectacle to see a car crash, it's not as if they're trying to crash. These cars are stupidly expensive, and if you crash it, you not only blow a significant amount of good money but you also lose the race. As a result, crashes are rare, and shouldn't really be taken into account as a valid reason to watch racing cars.

And that leaves us with the final supportive argument for motor cars: 'the vehicles themselves'. Oh, I see, you car boffins consider the individual design of the cars to be an important and interesting factor in car racing, a factor that no other sport has? Well, you are all flaming idiots, because that's the essence of every bloody sport in existence.

Permit me to explain. You see a lesser-known footballer dribbling the ball towards the goal, but David Beckham is closing in from the left. Becks has a reputation, a higher set of physical statistics (no crude jokes, please) and experience, in the same way that a good car has. Some of the excitement comes from seeing if this player can outsmart the legend himself, in exactly the same way that you car boffs wait to see if anybody can beat the leading car type, be it McLaren, Ferrari, or whatever.

So surely you see my point now - motorsports are the same as any other sports. The only difference is that motorsports cost a shedload of cash to set up, and spectators re-mortgage their houses for tickets to the event, only to sit around on their arses for hours, seeing a few cars rocket by every five minutes. It's pointless crap, if you ask me.

I write this because my dear ol' papa is an avid follower of the motor racing, and he forced me to watch the WHOLE OF TODAY'S FORMULA ONE RACE with him. I nearly went insane.

Pity me.

Thursday 11 June 2009

I'm Back, Baby

So there I was, reclining in my computer chair, not a care in the world, when all of a sudden, it occurred to me that I haven't contributed to my dear ol' blog in ages. Sure, I've popped up a few bits of art, but not a fully-fledged article, a blog post into which a lot of effort has been put.

Naturally, this distressed me. I care about you lot out there. I do. Honestly. No kidding. This sudden pang of terror at the thought of neglecting my duties to you spurred me into action, hence this very blog post.

...

I wish I'd thought ahead now. I wanted to do a blog post, so I did. I logged in, clicked 'New Post' and began typing an intro. Now that's out the way, I don't mind telling you that I haven't a bally clue as to what I'm going to talk about.

...I suppose I could tell you what's happened since the last post. Yes, that'll have to do. Well for a start, I am now on Facebook. Hip hooray, tra-la-la, etcetera. Actually, it's quite good. Being a popular site among my friends, it provides me with a valuable opportunity to exchange information with my buddies and show off my art and films. You see, as much as I love YouTube, the problem with it is that it's bloody massive, and the chances of a random internet-goer finding my videos are as likely as Avon selling lipstick in Baghdad. Facebook, on the other hand, goes to the effort of bringing together people who are likely to know each other; within a week, I had over seventy friends, all of which I actually knew as friends (hint hint, YouTube). It's fine having a totally open website where anyone can discover you, but you need a sense of belonging, a sense of community, and quite frankly, Facebook tramples all over YouTube in this category.

Now, I know what you're thinking (but not in a creepy, 'get out of my head you psychic pervert' way). You're thinking that my slagging off of YouTube as a social website is unfair, as it is primarily a video-sharing website. Indeed it is, and to add salt to the wound I myself inflicted upon YouTube, it is possible to share videos on Facebook as well. Not only that, but Facebook does it bloody well. Sure, it doesn't have the ability to recommend similar videos, or have a 'featured videos' section (a section that really pisses me off about YouTube, by the way), but the fact that more people know about you on Facebook means that you get more feedback. Furthermore, the feedback is more personal, because the commenters know you. This is nice. All the 'constructive criticism' from impersonal strangers, of which YouTubers are so used to, tends to get a bit boring after a while.
But wait! I'm not done. Not only are the videos easier to upload onto Facebook than YouTube, they are of a higher quality when playing back. Now come on, YouTube! It's as if you're not even trying!

So in summary, go Facebook. Yeah. Woo.

Moving on, how about that expenses thing in the news recently? Naughty politicians. Wasting our money on duck islands and stuff. Tut. But look at what's-his-face! David Cameron! Jesus bloody Christ, he's done well out of all this! He grabbed the scandal by the scruff of the neck and wrung all the heroic goodness he could get out of it. As much as I hated that posh, lycra-wearing, plummy, eco-friendly tosser, I must take my hat off to the fellow. He's smart. And I respect that.
Everybody laugh at Gordon Brown! Go on! He must be kicking himself for missing out on this golden opportunity to win back our respect!

I think Gordon Brown should wear an eyepatch. Loss of country's respect = sorted.

That's about all I can think of writing about for now. If I think of anything else, I'll let you know.

Over and out.
I write like
Cory Doctorow

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!