Me and my opinions, eh?

Old kids' shows weren't as patronising as kids' shows today. Nowadays, everything is much more money-driven. We cut corners all over the place to make a bit of a profit, and unfortunately it shows in this flimsy, blinkered era. Kids' shows are a perfect example of this.

Instead of boring you with a long rant about my opinions, I have fashioned them into a rather fetching, but moderately unfunny, sketch. Enjoy.

Darren: There's a slot opening up in the CITV schedule, and it's our job to fill it.
Vic: When's the slot?
Darren: Right in the middle of CITV, Vic. Smack bang in the middle.
Vic: If I can do maths - and I can - that's exactly halfway between the middle and the end!
Sandra: Good! Good! So we need a premise. What do kids like?
Darren: Kids like stupid things, mostly. Do we want to do a show about stupid things? Hyperactive nonsense to render them numb with adrenaline?
Vic: If they like it...
Darren: Yeah, I get that, but maybe our purpose isn't just to give the kids what they want. Maybe our goal is to develop them as people, to ensure that the fundamental mindsets of a functional society are secured in their heads.
Vic: I don't like the sound of that.
Sandra: No. A bit 'brainwashy'.
Darren: What? No, no. How about a show about a milkman?
Vic: What's interesting about a milkman?
Darren: What's not interesting about a milkman?
Vic: He's a milkman.
Darren: So what? He can be a milkman and be interesting. What would you suggest, then?
Vic: I had this idea of a ninja that has the ability to...
Darren: Can I just stop you there, Vic? I appreciate your input, but when do you ever meet a ninja?
Vic: I don't follow.
Darren: Unless the youth of today are going to grow up and become ninjas, I really can't see the merits of a show about ninjas. 'The moral of the story: don't get blood on your balacalava.' A story about a milkman can teach the basics about business, at least.
Sandra: Business is boring, Darren. Kids don't care about business.
Darren: So we should just cater to their every childish whim, and somehow hope that the notion of being good at business will just pop into their heads at some point in the future? 'Mummy, I'm ditching the cartoons and wish to pursue a career in accountancy.' What about social norms? Do ninjas socialise?
Vic: Well, not really. They keep to themselves, as a rule.
Darren: Do we want kids to keep to themselves? I don't think we should promote reclusiveness.
Sandra: This is Mary Whitehouse all over again.
Darren: This isn't Mary Whitehouse! I'm not saying that ninjas are a bad influence. I'm just saying that at such a crucial and formative time in a child's life, ninjas are a pointless influence. We should be making the most of the suggestibility of children to make sure they're fully functioning upstairs! Come on, at least one good show would make the world of difference.
Vic: How about a ninja milkman?
Darren: ... Yeah, that'll do.

END! THIS IS THE END! STOP READING THIS BECAUSE IT HAS ENDED!