Apologies for my disgraceful lateness

As the title says, apologies for my disgraceful lateness.
To make up for this, I will provide you one of those rambles you few loyal readers love so much.
But how to start, how to start...

...

Oh, I know. I'll talk about Microsoft vs. Apple. Now, I know that it sounds like a geeky thing to say, a topic with very little potential for humour.
That it is. But my rambles tend to drift off and merge seamlessly into totally unrelated topics, and much of the humour lies there.
Ahem.
I personally think that Macs are better computers than PCs. Sure, they don't have the right hand click option, but 'tis a miniscule price to pay for such a wonderful contraption.
Let's face it. Most of us use computers to play games or to access and/or manipulate media. Okay, Macs aren't very good for games, as not many games are released on the Mac as well as the PC, but it's media facilities are out of this world.
Well, not really out of this world. I mean, the Apple Corporation is situated on this planet (unlike Microsoft - I have reason to believe that Bill Gates has a secret evil Moon base). And think of the price! If Apple was situated on, like, a crater on Mercury, all the development software and stuff would cost a lot more to send to Earth than it does currently. Mainly because sending something from Earth to Earth , if you put everything in perspective bearing in mind the rest of the Universe, doesn't cost that much. Virtually nothing. And the internet connection would be crap; say an Apple employee situated in an office on Mercury (there might be a colony, you know, so that he has his family nearby and doesn't get lonely - a bit like an RAF base) wants to send an email to an employee containing some very important files concerning something to do with work - say, software designs for a program you can plug in to your computer that harnesses the power of that moment of mild annoyance when you realise that a website's server cannot handle your request (a powerful, but underused, energy source) to generate electricity to power a little oven that makes you muffins to eat whilst surfing the net - but the distance from Earth to Mercury means that the data is corrupted along the way. Sweet mercy! The designs might be misinterpreted as designs for a mild annoyance-powered oven that doesn't make muffins, but giant man-eating croissants! The Mercury division of the Apple Corporation must be boycotted! A special boycotting agency must be created to combat this threat by cotting boys in every leading corporation! Space bases must be halted!
Also, I hear that Mercury is rather hot. You'll need some mighty fine air-conditioning in those offices. Even more money provided by your average working Joe through taxes. We'll all be poor! And then we won't be able to purchase top-of-the-line Apple products, which, as I said earlier, are better than Microsoft products (a fact that I seemed to deviate away from somewhat). What a terrible vicious circle of economy! Dear me!

Cheerio.