Quote of the 'Week'

"Men will always be mad, and those who think they can cure them are the maddest of all."
Voltaire
Discovering that someone has commented on one of my blogs is such a joyous feeling. Hint, bloody hint!

Wednesday 30 April 2008

Tuesday 29 April 2008

Hello again

I feel like doing another poem.
So here goes.

My school routine is stupid. It's silly, daft and gay.
To catch my bus I have to wake at half five every day.
I do not mean the evening, as that would be just fine.
I mean the morning 'cos my bus comes at six thirty-nine.
I get my ticket every day for three pounds fifty pence;
You don't need to be good at maths to see that makes no sense.
And if all that is not enough to make me rather surly,
We're dumped at school (now this ain't cool) forty minutes early!
My sister's at another school; by eight thirty, alas,
She's catches her school bus. By then, I'm sitting down in class!
About two hours, each way, each day, I wish it was no more
Especially as I get home at roughly half past four!
Unfairly treated just because I live so far from town -
I somehow doubt that I'll get any help from Gordon Brown...

A little poem about John

John Mahon is a kid in my class at school, by the way.
He has given his full consent for this frankly insulting poem, so don't say "Oh, how can you be so cruel to him?", because he finds it funny.
So shut it and let me tell my poem.

Ahem.

I have a friend called John, he's short and thin and specky
And everyone runs away from him because he is a trekkie.
He knows Will Shatner's middle name in Star Trek: it's Tiberius,
We look at him in disbelief and say: "You can't be serious!"
He really does love Star Trek. You can see it in his eyes.
If he really loves it that much, why doesn't he live on the Enterprise?

Well, my moment of glory is over for today.
Cheerio.

Sunday 27 April 2008

5 Words that Sound Onomatopoeic but Aren't

Spasm
Snore
Grunt
Flick
Flip

Thursday 24 April 2008

I am bored.

I am in a lesson (I will not specify which) and I am doing absolutely nothing.
At all.
Nichts.
Nada.
Zipperoo.
Thusly, I am bored. So I decided to talk to you. You being the readers.

Ahem.
Hello there readers.
How are you?
Really? So that cleared up? Good for you. How's Roger?
Never! He actually did it? And how is the widow?
Aw, I'm sad to hear that.
Really? Well, good for you. Keep going, be brave.
Of course I am. You know me.
Ha ha.
Well, good to know you're still going.
Okay.
See you soon.
Bye now.
Byee!

-CLICK-

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...

Tuesday 15 April 2008

I warn you - this is the ramble to end all rambles! Careful now...

Hello.
Sorry about the lateness of this entry - I imagine you few loyal readers of this blog (approximately zero - blogging to oneself is a sign of madness) as the wife or girlfriend in those typical scenes where the other half has been out all night. (Bear with me, I am a very metaphorical person (not literally - I do actually exist).)
So anyway, I can see you lot as the disgruntled missus standing in the hall with a hand on your hip, glaring at me, the metaphorical drunk man staggering into the doorway, mumbling things under his breath.

Sorry I'm late, love.
Y'shee, I was at that pub down Union Road, y'know, the one with the landlord with a funny name like Shane or summat (or was it Shaun? Ah bugger it, sh'not important) when the Preshident of th'United Shtatesh walked in and he said to me, he said, "Will," he said, the bloody Preshident, he says to me, he says, "Will, I need you to drink as much beer as physhic'lly poshible, otherwise er, something with, erm, bombs, no NUCLEAR BOMBS would y'know, BOOOM and kill lotsh of people. I swear, love, I had to get plashtered in order to shave millions and thousandsh of people from th'big bombs an' that. Don't divorsh me.

Back to reality (which is a shame because I was enjoying writing that).
The truth is that I forgot about this blog for a while. Shimple as that.

-WARNING: I HAVE TYPED THIS WARNING AFTER TYPING THE MAJORITY OF THE TEXT BELOW, AND WARN THAT IT DOES START TO SOUND OBSESSIVE AT TIMES. BEAR WITH ME. I HAVE A PHENOMENAL PASSION FOR SILENT COMEDIES. ALL I REQUEST IS THAT YOU EITHER STRUGGLE THROUGH THE FOLLOWING RAMBLE, AFTER WHICH I BELIEVE YOU WILL FEEL ENLIGHTENED, OR YOU JUST STOP READING AND LOOK AT SOME PORN.-

Right. Now, I was going to talk about something, but it's escaped me. Oh yeah - I went to Louth today (well, yesterday, as it's about half past midnight as I'm writing this) and I watched two silent comedies at a proper cinema with an actual live improvised piano accompaniment and it was absolutely superb. I love silent films, so this was a super big treat for me, but even my dad, who isn't that keen on it in general, said that he was 'pleasantly surprised' which was pleasantly surprising for me.
The silent comedy guru, Paul Merton, says that these films can only be truly appreciated on a big screen, viewed by hundreds of people to share the laughter, accompanied by an improvisational pianist. Not only that, but he says that every silent film hater that he has ever known has been instantly converted into a silent film lover after watching a proper cinema screening of Laurel & Hardy, Charlie Chaplin, 'Buster' Keaton or Harold Lloyd. I agree completely and utterly. And totally. I wanted to take a friend of mine, Ross, to see the films as well, but I forgot to ask him. He hates silent films. I want to remedy this sacrilege. But alas, my terrible memory fails me again. Damn it.

I saw a silent Laurel and Hardy short called 'Big Business' (pure hilarity throughout - it was comedic genius) and a feature length silent comedy by Buster Keaton called 'The Cameraman' (a little slow at the start, but it soon escalated into nauseatingly funny comedy). The evening was eye-opening. I have only seen silent films on television up to this point, and although that is, itself, enough to convince me that comedy has never surpassed those monochrome masterpieces, seeing it in its natural habitat, up on a big screen as God intended, seemed to make the films greater and the humour genuinely funnier.
This was the reason canned laughter was introduced to sitcoms - we feel more able to laugh if we know that other people have also found it funny. Of course, we look at canned laughter with distaste nowadays, as we know that a lot of it is artificial, and that the laughs we are hearing were for something completely different and presumably funnier. But when you are able to look around and see the other people sat around you, reacting as you are, that sense of unity is truly wonderful. And it genuinely adds to the experience.

'Big Business' is considered to be the best of any of the Laurel & Hardy films, sound or silent. I agree. I have been a big fan of Stan and Ollie for years and years, but I only saw their films with sound. I now realise, with astonished glee, that their silent films were a lot better. I won't explain the entirety of the film, as that would add unnecessary length to an already long blog post, but I ask you to view it (I think it's on YouTube, or Google Video).

'The Cameraman', a Buster Keaton film, was also fantastically funny. It got a louder applause that 'Big Business', and yet Buster himself didn't like it. It just shows how much of a perfectionist he was. Again, I just recommend you find a way of watching it yourself (as a feature-length, I doubt you will be able to find the film in its entirety, instantly viewable, on the 'net. Just rent it. Please. You will not regret it). It has a really well-trained monkey in it. It looks like it is actually acting! If that isn't a killer reason to see anything, I don't know what is.

You just don't get comedy of that brilliance any more.
Now I have upset myself. I don't want to do any more blog.
Sniff.
I write like
Cory Doctorow

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!