Quote of the 'Week'

"Men will always be mad, and those who think they can cure them are the maddest of all."
Voltaire
Discovering that someone has commented on one of my blogs is such a joyous feeling. Hint, bloody hint!

Monday 31 August 2009

Would you like fries with that?

Hello there!
Having woken up early today (that is, before midday), I have decided to add to my blog.
The thing is, though, I haven't really planned anything for this blog entry. No notes, no topics, nothing. But then again, that's never stopped me from blogging.
Well, once it did.
Anyway, the improvisational nature of this here post means that it falls, reluctantly, under the category of 'ramble'. I don't really want to ramble today, as they tend to go off in strange directions and leave a trail of bewilderment in their wake. What I really want to do is think of something intresting, and write about it.
But here's the thing. It's now 11.48, and I still haven't thought of anything.
...
Aha! The time is now 12:06 in the afternoon, and after two hours of pondering, I have a topic!
In the news, there have been reports about South Korean scientists 'claim[ing] to be the first in the world to have successfully cloned a pet dog for commercial purposes.'
Now, I would never be patronising towards my readers. You're a clever bunch; after all, you read my blog. I therefore assume you understand the humorous side to this story. A humorous side that I expect many people would have picked up on.
Just in case you don't get it, imagine if France claimed to have cloned 'pet' frogs with extra-long legs.
Pets? Don't make me laugh.

Anyway, I'm going to have to cut this blog entry short, 'cos I'm going into town! If anything interesting happens, I'll report back with the info.

Over and out.

Friday 14 August 2009

Good old Graham!

Thursday 13 August 2009

He may look like Brian Blessed crossed with a Proclaimer, but he's smart.

Hyello there, blog-gogglers.
Is 'blog-goggler' like my catchphrase now? I'm using it quite a lot.
Today being Thursday (well, for another ten minutes), I was watching the wonderful 'Mock the Week' earlier. What a funny, funny television show that television show is. Funny, that is to say.

Of course, MTW would only be another moderately funny attempt at a panel show without frightening Frankie Boyle and the delightful Dara O'Briain. Their instinctive wit and phenomenal improvisational abilities allowed MTW to develop into one of the funniest programmes- if not the funniest programme - on telly at the moment.

No, wait. I just remembered 'You Have Been Watching'. That's absolutely brilliant, faultless comedy, and it's certainly a worthy competitor against 'Mock the Week' for the title of funniest thing on the box since the most recent series of 'TV Burp' finished.
Anyway, you know what I mean. 'Mock the Week' = bloody funny stuff. Laughter echoes throughout my house when it's on. So yeah.

I have made an interesting observation whilst watching this current series of MTW - at the end of every episode, there is a round called 'Scenes We'd Like to See', and Frankie Boyle always manages to get the last joke in before the round, and the show, ends. I'm not sure how he does this - I suppose it's all down to clever timing - but it means that his last joke is the one freshest in the viewers' minds after the show has finished, which is very clever. People, when asked about what happened on 'Mock the Week', are more likely to immediately mention the comedic antics of Mr Boyle. Tonight's episode certified my theory that this is deliberate - for the last three episodes at least, he has managed to fit in his best joke of that episode at the end. Good on him.

Last week, his ending joke, based on 'things you don't want to hear from your flatmate' was:
"Well, there's one way to find out who ate my 'yoghurt'. An AIDS test."

This week, his ending joke, based on 'things you wouldn't hear on a TV talent show' was:
"That was a beautiful song... until you fucking sang it."

No wonder he's become so popular, so quickly!

I'm still not sure about his beard, though.

Tally-ho.

Tuesday 11 August 2009

Great Minds Think Alike

I was watching 'You Have Been Watching' on Channel 4 earlier, with the brilliant Charlie Brooker (please note that the italics I employed just then were for emphasis rather than sarcasm, believe it or not - I genuinely think that Mr Brooker is nothing short of a comedy genius), when my jaw almost dropped in happy surprise.
They were slagging off Deal or No Deal. Almost exactly as I had done a short while ago. Right down to the comparison I made between Noel Edmonds and a lion. Remarkable.
I was tempted to stick to an outlandish claim that 'they stole my bit!', but I desisted, because they did a much better job at it than I did. Besides, it was only a matter of time until the merciless critical eye of Charlton Brooker cast its gaze over the 'Dream Factory' (shudder). Again.
Well, I say 'again'. Did he take the piss out of DoND on 'Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe' as well? Oh, I don't know. Bah.

...

Sorry, I lost my place.
Right. So Edmonds, with his stupid hair, stratospheric trousers and shirts that look like they could pick up freeview with a few nob adjustments (oh, dear God! What am I talking about? Aargh! Abort!) was more than likely to appear on this television programme.

Oh, and Frankie Boyle, whose facial hair I noticed gradually increasing in length every episode of the new series of 'Mock the Week', was on 'YHBW' (that's an abbreviation for 'You Have Been Watching' - although the added bracketed explanation means that it would have been easier to have just typed 'You Have Been Watching' in the first place) and has a full-blown beard now. As it's quite a ginger beard, I'm not sure what to make of it. There's only so much Scottish a man can take.

Nevertheless, I have grown a little beard of my own. Nothing as extravagant as Mr Boyle, oh no, but just a little goatee. It's barely visible, to be honest. It's only just past the 'very long stubble' stage, and I don't intend to grow it much longer. As I said on Facebook (and am saying again on Facebook, I suppose), I just want something to stroke during moments of deep contemplation. I usually like to stroke a cat, but they are damned temperamental beings and have the rather annoying habit of going out when I need them. Furthermore, a goatee can be taken anywhere without it complaining or hissing or needing to be put in a special carrier, and be put to good use whenever and wherever a moment of deep thought hits me.

I am actually surprised at how long this blog post has become. I only really wanted to talk about 'Deal or No Deal' on 'You Have Been Watching', and briefly mention Frankie Boyle from 'Mock the Week' (what is this, an article for the bloody TV Times?), but I drifted onto the subject of beards.
Well, I suppose this makes up for the fact that I have been neglecting my blogging duties as of late.

I hope you're happy.
Seriously. I mean that.
No sarcasm here, no sirree bob.
Nope.
Honest to Darwin, I am being sincere when I say that I want you blog-gogglers to be happy. It's just that I tend to sound incredibly sarcastic. But then again, I do get a bizarre amount of pleasure in pretending to be sarcastic whilst simultaneously trying to prove I'm being serious, so all all that 'no sarcasm here' malarkey was a teensy-weensy bit deliberate.
Why? Because I love to screw with your heads. And I mean that in every possible definition of that phrase. Mwah, hah, hah.

Oh, and anyway, thanks for voting on my poll, those of you who voted. I think by the end, the poll received well over five votes overall!
By that, I mean I got six votes.

-Cough-

But you, the six members of the General Public, decided, in a landslide victory of five to one, that I should purchase for myself a bowler hat. So thank you. My dear old mother likes the idea (I'm lucky to have someone like her, I really am), but my cautious old father, who prefers to stick to the norm (or his radio-obsessed, checked-shirt-wearing vision of the norm), isn't particularly fond of the whole bowler hat notion. Hopefully, the results of this poll might make him see the light.

Ta, you six superb people!

ENDING
I write like
Cory Doctorow

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!